My father passed away... - Page 3

jaxtone · 11-03-2009, 04:45 PM

My wife lost her father a couple of months ago, he had prostathic/skeleton cancer and was fighting this for nine years. The end was very tragic since the doctors did their best to damage the life he had left. They didn´t check up how many medications and prescriptions he had so in the end he was totally confused because they had given him 30 times more than he was supposed to have. Morphine and other pills gave him a terrible anxiety. It was hard to see this once so strong man tremble of fear without being able to help!

I feel sorry when reading that there are so many in here that have experienced the worst scenarios. Since grief and hope can´t be judged or measured I wonder if the old visualisation about the passage to death as an entrance to something better isn´t the best way to express the hope we are keeping for our loved ones.

Silkrooster · 11-03-2009, 04:53 PM

I think it is that "passage to something better" that helps us grieve. Thats all I saying on that, as i don't want this to become another religious thread that becomes locked.

Chuck · 11-03-2009, 05:01 PM

Very sorry for your loss, Silkrooster. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

jaxtone · 11-03-2009, 05:04 PM

Well I am not a religious person at all. Just had some very interesting experiences as a child. Undoubted connections that couldn´t be ignored even by the most skeptical persons.

Of course a teenager do the best to hide things like this when you groove up because you are taught that it is wrong but to me personally these experiences were way beyond religion. I have always understood religion as confusing and as a short cut to conflicts. I am more in for salvation and peace on a very natural level and these both are crucial parts of the environment where I am gonna meet up with friends and relatives that have passed away before me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silkrooster

I think it is that "passage to something better" that helps us grieve. Thats all I saying on that, as i don't want this to become another religious thread that becomes locked.

Tom Wood · 11-03-2009, 05:47 PM

Very sorry for your loss Silk, I've been through it now with both parents. My kids think of me as being orphaned.

I'm not religious either, but I appreciate the metaphor and imagery in some of the stories. One metaphor assigned to the story of Moses and his falling short of the promised land, is that a parent can never go where their children will go because our children live on beyond our capacity to make the same journey. We can try to look ahead and see where they are headed, but that glimpse is all we get.

Not sure why this came to mind, but it did. I guess it's inevitable that we will leave our parents behind, and that's if we are lucky. I know it still hurts though.

Chris S. (Fez) · 11-03-2009, 06:42 PM

Man. My condolences.

Silkrooster · 11-03-2009, 07:27 PM

Thanks everyone.

Jaxtone, yeah I have my own views but this is neither the time nor the place. so...

wacom · 11-03-2009, 08:35 PM

My Uncle (at 43) my grandparents, and my great grandmother, all on my mother's side have all passed away from lung cancer. All of them had smoked at some point in their lives for what that's worth. My grandfather on my father's side also died of lung cancer, but it has now been attributed to the work he did in missile defense.

I, and several other family members sat (literally on a couch) for five days, and watched as the cancer consumed my grandfather spreading to all of his organs, including his brain, until he finally passed away on Thanksgiving. They said he had something like 4 months, but when he learned it had gone to his brain, and he couldn't play the piano anymore (he just couldn't remember how one day) he just gave into it and let go, passing a few weeks later.

As an aside- my grandfather passed away peacefully (well as peacefully as you can with highly malignant cancer) because he had enjoyed life, felt loved, hand no real regrets, and had faith and understanding. My grandmother, while spiritual, lived in fear her whole life, was less than like able, and was full of regrets as her illness became terminal. While I don't live "life to the fullest" I would be lying to say these examples haven't started to shape my understanding of what I want in the "end"- be it today, tomorrow, or 60+ years from now. I feel that for all the questions death makes us ask, it does also reward us with some deep insights, clarity and realizations. I now try to make good on what I've learned each day- (emphasis on try).

Anyway- just letting you know you're not alone in your fears, hopes, and desires in terms of family illness, and that I'm sorry for your loss.

jaxtone · 11-03-2009, 08:42 PM

This sounds really sad! I think that one of the worst scenarios might be when the brain doesn´t work as usual and you are aware of it! Scary! My aunt that is a retired teacher is going through the same at this moment. She was also a painter but today she cannot talk, walk using her hands and she´s blind on one eye, what a terrible condition!

I would like to put some anger from frustration and address it to the war industry. When thinking of all money that have been placed on weapons that kill each others the latest 60 years I wonder if it wouldn´t had been better to put this cash on medical science instead!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wacom

My Uncle (at 43) my grandparents, and my grandmother, all on my mother's side have all passed away from lung cancer. All of them had smoked at some point in their lives for what that's worth.

I, and several other family members sat (literally on a couch) for five days, and watched as the cancer consumed my grandfather spreading to all of his organs, including his brain, until he finally passed away on Thanksgiving. They said he had something like 4 months, but when he learned it had gone to his brain, and he couldn't play the piano anymore (he just couldn't remember how one day) he just gave into it and let go, passing a few weeks later.

Anyway- just letting you know you're not alone in your fears, hopes, and desires in terms of family illness, and that I'm sorry for your loss.

jaxtone · 11-03-2009, 08:47 PM

With all respect!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silkrooster

Thanks everyone.

Jaxtone, yeah I have my own views but this is neither the time nor the place. so...

Eroneouse · 11-03-2009, 10:14 PM

You have my sympathies Silk, just last tuesday I was at my friend Wendy's funeral she went due to lung, liver, ovaries cancer. The world is a lesser place for those of us who miss them.

Silkrooster · 11-03-2009, 11:38 PM

No problem Jaxtone. I get where your coming from. Anyway, I am proud to call all of you my friends.

Silkrooster · 11-03-2009, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eroneouse

You have my sympathies Silk, just last tuesday I was at my friend Wendy's funeral she went due to lung, liver, ovaries cancer. The world is a lesser place for those of us who miss them.

Sorry to hear that. You have my condolences.

adamredwoods · 11-04-2009, 01:31 AM

One of the most difficult things in life to do is to let go of our loved one's lives and let their paths be wherever they lead...

THREEL · 11-04-2009, 01:47 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, Silk. We just lost a cousin of mine who didn't quite make it to his 80th birthday a little over a week ago, due to cancer. When I was a young buck, our families were pretty close. You know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.